I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
