I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
