i may or may not be watching the land before time
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
