I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Holy sore nipples Batman
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
