Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
