i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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