SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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