Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Drunk is not a location!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
