i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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