I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
