I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
