I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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