just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
