Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
