the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
