Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
