My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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