if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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