is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
