I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
