a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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