not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
