i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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