One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
