I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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