she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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