wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
