there was a trapeze. enough said
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
