I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
