I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
