i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
