what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
