All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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