no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
