Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
