I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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