I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
