I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
