I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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