Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
