Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
