i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
