I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
