I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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