Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
