Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
3pm strippers are depressing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
