I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
