my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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