I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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