Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
