New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
